The Ultimate Calvin and Hobbes Fan Fiction Site

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2010-08-09T10:43:00.002-04:00

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Fourteen

2010-07-27T12:37:00.000-04:00

In the first panel Calvin awakens from what appears to have been an extended period of unconsciousness. The stuffed animal incarnation of Hobbes is tucked under his left arm. Mom and Dad stand over his bed, concerned.

In the second panel, Dad leans down to kiss him on the forehead. Welcome back, son.

Calvin is extremely disoriented. When he turns to look at his surroundings, we notice an enormous scar running the entire length of his head. Where...how long was I asleep?

Eight months.

Thirteen

2010-03-03T12:16:00.001-05:00

In the first panel, Calvin sits at the dinner table with a big plate of green slop before him. He yells Why do you insist on poisoning me every night? This is torture.

In the second, his mom leans across the table to admonish him It's not poison, just try it. You need to keep your strength up.

Calvin is incensed I'm tired of being sick! I'm tired of never having any energy! I just want to be a normal kid! Is that so much to ask?

In the last panel, Calvin's dad has poured himself a large cocktail and stands in the doorway, listening into the kitchen. His wife tries to console their son. I know, honey. You're being a very brave man. We just need to be patient, keep you eating healthy, and let the treatments do their job.

Twelve

2010-02-11T15:17:00.001-05:00

In the first panel, Calvin is half-asleep, grumpily pulling on his pants and getting ready for school. Hobbes' tail is visible from under the covers.

In the second, his Mom rushes in, looking disheveled and with a slight panic to her voice ARE YOU OK?

Calvin is startled I'm fine...what's wrong?

Calvin's Mom is shaking I dreamt...I dreamt you were hurt. She falls to her knees and hugs her son.

In the next panel, Calvin wears a look of repulsion You smell like alcohol. Strong alcohol. Have you slept?

Calvin's Mom becomes angry as his Dad walks in to the room. OF COURSE I SLEPT. I WAS DREAMING. I HAD DREAMS.

Calvin's Dad takes his wife by the elbow, helps her up, and leads her out of the room. As he exits he makes eye contact with Calvin.

In the last panel, they each quickly look away.

Eleven

2010-02-11T15:08:00.001-05:00

The strip is one large colored panel, depicting Calvin trying to clean up a kitchen where every surface is covered in blood.

Ten

2010-02-01T16:55:00.000-05:00

In the first panel, Calvin sits at his desk doing homework. Appearing above his head, the text of what he's writing reads For my science-fair project, I propose we dose every teacher at school with a double-stacked ecstasy pill.

Hobbes watches him write in the second panel If my theory is correct, all of the teachers will begin to feel really happy and awesome and not care about the trivial bullshit that drags us down in our daily lives.

In the third, Hobbes is compelled to comment I don't think your teacher is going to be receptive to this experiment.

In the next panel, Calvin states Receptive or not, I can't get a refund. My guy accidentally OD'd over the weekend.

Hobbes is shocked Gosh! On ecstasy?

No, no. Calvin replies. Heroin, I think - I'm pretty sure at least. He goes back to writing.

Nine

2010-01-26T15:46:00.001-05:00

In the first panel, Hobbes is asleep on his back in the front yard. Calvin approaches and asks Do you think Mom would be happier had I been born a girl?

Hobbes rolls over to address Calvin I don't think it would matter one way or the other. Your parents love you regardless of gender, and happiness is symptomatic of that love.

In the third panel Calvin is starting to cry Well I know one thing is for certain...I would've been happier.

Calvin gloomily kicks the ground and tries to stifle his tears. Hobbes is looking for clarification You'd be happier if you were born a girl?

Susie Derkins walks by Hi Calvin...

In the final panel Calvin kicks Susie in the stomach and runs away. The stuffed animal incarnation of Hobbes lays next to Susie as she writhes on the ground, trying to catch her breath.

Eight

2010-01-13T14:26:00.000-05:00

In the first panel, Calvin's Mom is chasing him up the staircase. Get over here! It's time for you to take a bath!

In the second panel Calvin, still running, screams back Who was it that called during dinner? Why did Dad slam the door and leave when you answered it?

She's chasing him around the living room in the third panel when she replies It's none of your business. Your father and I are adults and you're a child. Our disgusting adult lives have no place in your childhood.

Calvin stops in his tracks and turns to face her, yelling Do you even hear yourself? How can the difficulties of your adult life NOT affect your performance as a parent? Dismissing my questions and leaving me to speculate will damage me far more in the long run.

Calvin's mom has stopped as well. Calvin I'm sorry but you have to believe me. There are some things about your parents that you just don't want to know. I can't explain it any better than that, you'll just have to trust me.

In the last panel, she's picked him up to bring him to the bathroom. She says It might not seem fair right now, but you need a few more years like this. I want you to feel more put together before you realize we're broken.

Seven

2010-01-12T11:59:00.000-05:00

In the first panel, Calvin and Hobbes are in their treehouse fort, looking down at Susie Derkins. Hobbes asks Where do you rate Susie, like on a ten scale?

In the second panel, Calvin responds in close up On a ten scale? I don't know. Like a seven?

Hobbes is surprised in the third panel Really? That high? Calvin is is getting irritated. He asks What? Decent body, cute face...

Hobbes is unimpressed. Calvin prods him Why, where does she rate on your ten scale?

Hobbes theatrically holds his nose A zero. The thought of interspecies sex repulses me.

Calvin throws a rock at Susie.

Six

2010-01-11T12:54:00.001-05:00

In the first panel, Spaceman Spiff is hurtling through space. The narration reads Despite his best efforts, our intrepid explorer finds himself caught within the pull of an enormous black hole!

The narration continues in the second panel His spacecraft fast approaches the event horizon, the point in space-time at which his existence would stop if externally observed!

In the third panel, Spaceman Spiff is visibly shaken, aware of the severity of his circumstances. To such an observer, our hero will forever be stuck at the precipice of his destination, his image slowly red-shifting until it becomes imperceptible!

The fourth panel shows a macro sized view of his position in space, his ship a tiny speck amongst millions. And due to the gravitational time dilation resulting from his proximity to the black hole, anyone he's ever known and loved will have died in the hundred relative years that pass within the blink of his eye!

In the fifth panel he takes off his goggles and blinks away a few tears.

In the sixth he appears meek, staring at a cyanide pill held in his right palm. We can't tell if he's strong enough to kill himself.

Five

2010-01-10T17:11:00.001-05:00

In the first panel Calvin's mother and father sit opposite one another at the breakfast table. They each look exhausted. Calvin's Dad says Once in a while, I wonder what my life would've been like had we never met.

In the second panel, Calvin's Mom replies Calvin would never have been born.

The third panel shows them in bed, younger, laughing. They've just made love with each other for the first time.

In the fourth, Calvin's Dad dreamily agrees: Calvin would never have been born...

Four

2010-01-08T17:09:00.003-05:00

In the first panel, Calvin stands amongst some oak trees, holding a snowball with both hands. He sighs before saying I hope the purpose of my life elegantly reveals itself one day.

In the second panel a snowball slams into the side of his head. We cannot see who's thrown it.

The third panel shows Calvin lying face-down, concussed on the floor of the forest.

In the forth panel, night has fallen. Calvin has not moved.

Three

2010-01-08T13:20:00.001-05:00

In the first panel, Calvin and the stuffed animal version of Hobbes sit in their darkened bedroom. Rosalyn has just put him in bed for the night. Calvin's fist is raised as he yells I was born into this system, I didn't choose it!

He continues in the second panel I demand the right to address those who'd seek to dictate the terms of my existence! Do you hear me? What gives you the right to tell me what to do?

In the third panel, Rosalyn opens the door to the bedroom and stares at him silently.

In the fourth she speaks, expressionless. Nothing gives me the right. But you'll stop caring and fall asleep well before I stop watching you.

Two

2010-01-08T12:53:00.002-05:00

In the first panel, Hobbes is waiting to pounce on Calvin who's going to arrive home from school any moment. He has a big grin and intense eyes.

The second panel is Calvin on the porch by the front door of his house. He is reaching for the knob as he says The great thing about my life is that it's entirely predictable, for instance:

The third panel is Calvin opening the door and being mauled by Hobbes.

In the forth panel, you see only Hobbes' tail as he is exiting the frame. Calvin lays destroyed in the front yard and remarks I know that at all times, someone in the world is actively trying to kill me.

One

2010-01-08T11:32:00.003-05:00

In the first panel Calvin is sitting on his sled. Hobbes sits behind him, wearing a scarf. Calvin remarks I wonder what it will be like when I die. Will it be an untimely accident or will I have the privilege of growing old, feeble and senile?

The second panel is a close up on Hobbes considering what he's just heard.

In the third panel he replies I guess it's hard for me to conceptualize, because nothing bad will ever happen to me or the people I love.